


Look at me, hyung!

by AxileVionRaiz



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: A little Soobin-centric, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Just in Kai's pov, This is Soobin-centric through and through, who am i kidding lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-04 12:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18604615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AxileVionRaiz/pseuds/AxileVionRaiz
Summary: When Soobin-hyung came to him, crying. Kai was already at lost but when his suspicions were confirmed, it hurts more than he thought it would.Kai would do anything for Soobin's happiness, including sacrificing his own.If only to see Soobin-hyung smiling, its fine even if his heart was being stabbed by a thousand hot needles.





	1. I'm here

**Author's Note:**

> My first TXT fanfic and its sad but not too sad! I think...

Kai had no idea how but it did. He did not think he was in love yet, though it was close enough. It was accidental anyway. He had not intended to develop such feelings for his leader. Kai had been so affectionate and clingy to Soobin mainly because Soobin made him feel comfortable and calmed his nerves down.

It had only been recently that Kai discovered that his feelings for Soobin was beyond than just close friends. In hindsight, he should have probably seen it sooner. Kai had always been annoyed when he noticed how Soobin are always so responsive to Yeonjun.

Still, Kai did not want to give up.

He did not want to. Making Soobin-hyung smile, flustered, laugh, those are fast becoming his favourite thing to do.

So when one day, Soobin asked to talk to him somewhere private, Kai felt nervous. Did Soobin somehow found out that he had feelings for the older one? But he did not think he was being at all obvious about it.

Thankfully it was not hard for them to find a free time, with all the members distracted. Since they are all still so new but they had finally finished the crazy promotion phase. So here they are, in the kitchen dorm. Personally, Kai did not think it was private but considering the rest of the members were in the bedroom, this was the best they could get.

Kai sat quietly at the table as Soobin made them both some hot chocolate. It was kinda adorable, Soobin’s addiction to chocolate.

Still, despite Kai’s attempt at keeping the quiet atmosphere light by smiling the air was gloomy, no, it was more to heavy. The air was heavy and it made Kai nervous. “Soobin-hyung? Is everything alright?”

The dam burst at that moment.

Tears. Soobin-hyung was crying next to him and Kai was clueless why but he acted on instinct, immediately wrapping his arm around Soobin’s back. Kai patted Soobin’s back awkwardly, his eyes looking down at the crumpled form sitting on the stool. He did not know what to do, what to say.

So he let Soobin-hyung cry his hearts out.

Kai sat there, acting as a comforting presence for his crush, not knowing why Soobin was crying with such heart-wrenching sob. He waited until the tears subsided, and tears became sniffling as the tears dried. They had probably stayed like that for about an hour.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong now, hyung?”

Kai watched as Soobin wiped is tears with the sleeves of his shirt. Kai had always thought that Soobin looked more suitable with short sleeved though.

“It’s Yeonjun.”

“What did Yeonjun-hyung do?” Kai asked, puzzled.

Soobin hiccuped, still clinging to Kai. “I…really like our hyung. Kai, I like him.” He reaffirmed.

And Kai, whom already suspected it, still felt as if his whole world had just turned cold as he tensed slightly. He gulped and continued to run his over Soobin’s back soothingly. No, right now his focus should be on Soobin-hyung and not his shattered heart because Soobin-hyung is crying and that is more important.

“D-did you confessed?” Did Soobin-hyung got rejected? Is that why Soobin-hyung was crying?

“Yes.” It was faint, the confirmation. Kai was not sure whether it was because he did not want to hear it or because Soobin himself did not want to remember it. “He said, he said that he liked someone else.”

Kai felt relieved, then it morphed to self-dislike for thinking feeling that way. As if his feelings was more important than Soobin-hyung’s happiness. “What are you going to do now, hyung?” He asked quietly, his voice trembling slightly although it does not seem like Soobin noticed it.

“…The person he likes is with someone else. I-I want to try to get him to look at me,” Soobin’s words started softly but gradually became firmed before he stated confidently. “I want hyung to look at me.”

Kai forced a smiled and made Soobin look at him by cupping his hyung’s face in hi hand. “Then stop crying and do your best hyung. I’m here. Here to help. I’m sure Yeonjun-hyung will notice you eventually. Now go and wash your face, you look really bad. Don’t want Yeonjun-hyung to see you like that now do we?”

Soobin broke into a small smile. “Yeah, okay. I’ll go wash up for a bit. Wait here, yeah?” Soobin stood up, saying this as he walked to the door and left to the bathroom.

Kai smiled sadly at the door that was left slightly ajar. “I want hyung to look at me too. I want Soobin-hyung to look at me but if it is Yeonjun-hyung you want then I’ll just be here, I won’t go anywhere.”


	2. Oh, hyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soobin accidentally ignoring Huening Kai in favour of Yeonjun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very sleepy when I wrote this so yeah, it was 4 a.m.

Kai hid the pain in his eyes when Soobin laughed happily at a joke Yeonjun made. Only managing to smile slightly as he watched the interaction between the two. He did not mind, Soobin is not his afterall.

During lunch break, the members were discussing over what to have for lunch. So Kai took advantage of that whispered to Soobin. “Suggest ramen, remember he said that he liked to eat ramen before?”

“Ah, I kinda feel like eating ramen.” Soobin piped in, looking at Yeonjun.

Kai pulled back.

“Uh, I wanna eat ramen too.” Yeonjun nodded along happily with the suggestion. “2 out of 3.”

Beomgyu looked at Taehyun and Kai. “Well what about you guys? I mean, I eat anything so….”

“I don’t mind.”

Then all attentjon was on their maknae but Kai was only looking at Soobin. “If Soobin-hyung wants ramen then we can go eat ramen.” His words were soft, a smile gracing his lips when Soobin smiled at him so gratefully. Yeah, this is fine.

This is good. Soobin-hyung is smiling.

“Well, since we’re eating ramen. I know this good place nearby.” Yeonjun said casually, knowing that since the main menu was decided it would be easier after that. “You guys in?”

* * *

 

No one had any objections and since it was close-by they all decided to just walk to the shop instead. They were not as big as their BTS seniors, walking down the street is still permissible to them since no one knows where they live.

Kai walked in the middle, Beomgyu and Taehyun behind him. You could guess who are the two walking in front of him. Kai almost snickered at how Soobin was being, trying to strike up a normal conversation with Yeonjun. All awkward and hesitant, it was very endearing to Kai. He would have snickered if it were not so painful.

All he could muster was a relenting smile.

Yeonjun seemed to understand though why Soobin was acting like that as he glanced back and Kai met the eldest’s stare for a second before Kai tilted his head to which Yeonjun only returned a smile and a shake of his head as he turned back to Soobin and quicken his step a little, tugging Soobin by his hand.

Ah, Yeonjun wanted the illusion of privacy.

Kai understood that, so he slowed his steps, striking a conversation with his two hyungs walking behind him. Ignoring the ache when he saw the slight reddening of Soobin’s cheek when Yeonjun tugged Soobin by the hand.

He had no idea what Soobin and Yeonjun talked about, he was curious but he respects them so he will not intrude. Though he had a suspicion that Soobin would tell him sooner or later that day. Soobin seemed to have made Kai as his confidant and while he was happy of that, it also hurts to hear the person that hold your heart gush over another person.

But what can Kai do? His priority is Soobin-hyung’s happiness.

Not his. So endure he would.

When they arrived at the ramen shop, Soobin was the on take a seat first and Kai happily claimed the seat next to his favourite hyung. Although Soobin flashed him a smile, Soobin’s attention was quickly taken when Yeonjun decided to sit on the opposite of Soobin.

Kai should not feel annoyed, but he was.

Perhaps it was childish of him, but he ignored Soobin through their lunch time. Only responding with a hum, making a point to not look at his hyung at any given time. The confusion and hurt flashing through Soobin almost made Kai’s resolve crumble but his annoyance was even more.

Kai ignored Soobin well into the night, when the members had settled into their bed and was doing their own thing. Although Soobin and Beomgyu was nowhere to be seen in the room. Kai suspected the two was probably eating something in the kitchen. They leftover rice cakes from dinner.

“Why were you ignoring Soobin, Kai-ah?”

Kai looked up, Yeonjun peering down at him from the bunk bed above. “Ah, that’s just something between me and Soobin-hyung.”

“Well, you need to solve it quick. Soobin was quite upset earlier.” Yeonjun sighed before disappearing from Kai’s view, probably leaning back down on the bed.

Kai tossed under his duvet, looking at the empty, still made bed that belonged to Soobin next to his. “But he didn’t cry for me, he only cried for you Yeonjun-hyung.” Muttering to himself, his eyes prickling with heat.

Beomgyu came into the room about a few minutes later but no Soobin and Kai jumped to his feet, heading to the kitchen and hoping to find Soobin there. Except Soobin was not, he saw the leader instead looking out the window from the living room.

There was barely any moonlight as it was new moon just a few days ago, though Soobin does not need any moonlight to look ethereal in Kai’s eyes. “Soobin-hyung.” He called out softly as he approached the older, taking a seat on the other couch near Soobin’s seat.

The guilt in Kai’s heart grew when he saw how Soobin’s eyes widened. “You’re…talking to me?”

“No, I was talking to your spirit. Makes a much better conversationalist.” Kai huffed, trying to lighten up the atmosphere with a joke he did not know how to do.

Soobin pouted and when Kai saw that, he smiled and pinched Soobin’s cheek.

“Aigoo, hyung. Are you sure you’re not the maknae here?” Kai laughed softly, pulling away to sit properly but this time on the couch Soobin was occupying. “I’m sorry, hyung. For ignoring you almost the whole day.”

“What did hyung even do, Kai-ah?” Soobin muttered, looking at his dongsaeng for some answer. He had considered for Kai to be the closest person to him at all times when the maknae suddenly pulled that shit stunt that afternoon. “Hyung promise not to do it again if I can help it.”

Kai cocked an eyebrow. “What will hyung do to have my friendship back?” He let a teasing lilt into his voice, or the media might suspect something even more sinister.

Soobin sighed and laid his head on Kai’s shoulder, the tired finally registering in his brain. “Just about anything but really I want to know what I did to offend you so Kai-ah.”

Well, his reasoning might sound stupid in Soobin’s eyes but, “Soobin-hyung barely even gave me any attention today when Yeonjun was involved in the conversation. I want to talk to Soobin-hyung too.”

Kai had closed his eyes as he explained, not wanting to see the disappointed face or the teasing he would surely get from any other members. That was why Kai did not expect the hug at all, as it was so abrupt.

“Sorry, sorry Kai. Hyung did not mean to make you feel left out.” Soobin apologized, and it was sincere. Kai could tell.

Kai opened his eyes slowly, looking at his crush holding him tight.

“You wanted me to do something, right?” Soobin pulled away slightly, “What was it again?”

Kai thought on it before shrugging. “I was just playing around, don’t take it too seriously hyung.” Kai stood up, forcing Soobin to get up.

Soobin was once again pouting but this time not without rolling his eyes first. “Well, since we did not get much time together today…”

Kai quickly cut off and suggested. “Sleep with me on my bed then we’re even!”


	3. Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai understands that Yeonjun is hurting and Soobin is hurting too

“Wait what?” Soobin blinked, he might or might not have blushed a little at the slight innuendo.

“I mean, cuddle with me until both of us fall asleep.” Kai pleaded, even pouting a little and Soobin grinned before ruffling Kai’s hair.

“I was about to suggest that actually. Aish, did you read my mind or something?”

Kai beamed, surprised that they had been on the same wavelength.

“You’re just very easy to read hyung.” Kai teased to which Soobin responded by showing the maknae playfully.

“Yah!”

Kai stuck out his tongue, avoiding the next attack from Soobin hyung as he stood up and ran away. Making Soobin chase him around the small living space. They laughed and joked as they played around for a small amount of time. They barely got to spend time together today and they were making up for it.

Soobin managed to tackle the maknae down and unleashed an onslaught of tickles, to which Kai had to suppress his laughter by biting his hand. Not wanting to disturb the other members that might already be sleeping.

His heart felt a little appeased now that he got to see his hyung laughing and smiling. Albeit it was his fault that Soobin-hyung was all sad and pouty the whole day after lunch.

Which Kai does not hate at all, Soobin-hyung pouting was the cutest thing besides the dimpled smile. The only thing was the sadness in his hyung’s eyes when Soobin-hyung looked at him.

Soobin stretched a little before getting up, then glancing at Kai with a soft smile which melted Kai’s heart. Kai knows that he was whipped and so screwed for that beautiful smile that will never be his but he will bask in it whenever he could. Like right now for example.

Except that, when they entered their shared bedroom, Beomgyu was sharing a bed with Taehyun. Both of them lazily draped over each other but what made Kai pause was how Yeonjun was staring wistfully and Beomgyu.

Ah, so that’s who it is.

Kai chanced a glance at Soobin, he let out a soft snort. Attracting Soobin’s attention back on him. He looked at his hyung and smiled a little before pushing Soobin at Yeonjun’s direction. “Comfort him.” His tone was hushed but he did not even need to word it. Soobin was already making his way to Yeonjun.

Kai crawled on top of his bed, sneaking another look at Yeonjun’s bed that is now occupied by another person. It was probably his imagination but again it probably is not, Yeonjun-hyung tightening his arms around Soobin-hyung, eyes slightly glassy.

He turned his head away.

He knows how it feels.

For the person you want to be sleeping next to another person, holding and being held. It hurts a lot.

It hurts too much.

The sight, Soobin-hyung in Yeonjun-hyung’s arms. It was worse for him, for Kai because unlike Yeonjun that found solace and comfort with Soobin, Kai had no one to hold him.

Kai was alone.

The thick duvet suddenly did not feel like it was helping to keep out the cold at all.

Pursing his lips, Kai bundled deeper under the sheets.

It was cold.

* * *

 

Kai wondered sometimes if Yeonjun really had no feelings at all for Soobin. Considering everything. They called out each other’s name during the cut mission game. It was no surprise to Kai that Soobin called out Yeonjun-hyung’s name, he had not known then but he had suspected. It was a surprise though when Yeonjun called out Soobin-hyung’s name.

Then the air kisses.

Yeonjun had given Soobin three air kisses. No, wrong. Three of those air kisses was done where there was cameras. There was more behind cameras and Kai felt his annoyance growing every single time although he knows he has no right. The annoyance eventually turned into sadness when he saw how flustered and speechless it left Soobin-hyung every single time.

It was funny at first.

Not anymore.

It was worse now.

Because Soobin would come to him, whispering softly of his nervousness and heartache. Soobin thought that Yeonjun might have felt something for him due to all of those circumstances mentioned. He had hoped, and hope is an evil thing. Hoping, only for it to be yanked away hurts even worse and Kai could not imagine the heartache Soobin was going through.

Kai remembered the subtle flirting while both of them were being special MCs. Calling each other’s name with such playful gentleness. Kai was jealous.

Yeonjun had stopped doing it for a while, the air kisses. After Soobin’s confession but today, he did it again. In front of all the fans.

Perhaps it was just fanservice. That was what Kai had thought, was what he had hoped it to be.

“Ah, Soobin-ah.”

Kai looked up the same time Soobin looked up from his book. All of them were just lounging at the living room. Kai, with his head on Soobin’s lap as he played his phone.

“Yeah?”

Yeonjun took a seat on the couch, right behind where Soobin was leaning against as the leader was sitting on the floor. “Ta-ra~”

It was bread.

Not just some bread but it was those bread that Soobin said he had wanted to try from a particular bakery nearby their dorm but never went to yet. Kai looked at Soobin and rolled his eyes before turning his attention back on his phone. The pure happiness radiating from that smile was beautiful indeed, if only those eyes were not looking back at Yeonjun-hyung.

The book was put down, Kai could still see that from his angle. He suppressed a sigh and turned a bit, laying in his side instead as he curled up closer to Soobin-hyung while still playing his phone. He had half expected for Soobin-hyung’s hand to fall on his head and play with his hair for a while as Soobin always did whenever Kai changed position.

Nothing. He should have known better.

Soobin-hyung’s attention was completely on Yeonjun whom had his arms wrapped around the leader’s neck and one propped on the dyed-brown hair as a chin support. Yeonjun-hyung was back to being touchy with Soobin-hyung.

A nervous laughter.

Yeonjun-hyung had probably did his stupid air kiss to Soobin again.

Kai could not bear it.

Hastily, without saying a word, Kai stood up and left the scene. Opting to move to the bedroom instead. It was about to get late anyway. He should go to sleep.

Ignoring the silent sobbing escaping his lips as he closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Twitter
> 
> @BangThiSeokjin
> 
> I make stupid edits and write small tweetfics


	4. Fool I Am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just TXT fooling around, being idiots

Well of course Soobin would do it. He would do it even if it was not Yeonjun but the fans that asked him to say, “Give me carrots.” It was cute, like really cute. Especially when the fans gave Soobin carrot plushies, Kai really like how the fan are so attentive and granted what Soobin-hyung asked for.

Though backstage when Kai was playing around with Soobin-hyung and the plushies they got Yeonjun left Beomgyu and Taehyun’s side and decided to surprise Soobin with a back hug.

Kai laughed a little at Soobin’s reaction finding it amusing.

Then Yeonjun decided to give one of his air kisses again, whilst rubbing Soobin’s belly, making the leader flustered.

“Yah.” Kai pouted, pushing Yeonjun off Soobin, making his movements and expression playful. It was of course but not without that twinge of jealousy in his heart.

Soobin took cover behind Kai as he beat up the eldest with the carrot plushies. Only letting up when Yeonjun admitted defeat, he let out a huff. “Do you surrender, evil foe?” He said dramatically.

Yeonjun was about to nod before he grinned and launched a counter attack, tickling Kai into the floor. “Never!” He yelled, attacking and countering the tickling from the maknae as they both wrestled on the floor.

“Hah, I give. I give!” Yeonjun called out first, gasping for breath as he subsided from his laughing fit.

Kai pulled away and stood up properly before glancing at Soobin with a victorious expression.

“My hero¬!” Soobin cooed, laughing as he said it and went to hug the maknae.

This time it was Kai who got flustered but wasting no time in wrapping his arms around Soobin back.

Yeonjun pouted and sat up. “Happily ever after is overrated.” He huffed, standing and stealing Soobin from Kai’s arms. “Don’t you want some excitement, my prince? I can give that, if only you let this bad boy woo you.” There was that lazy smirk and raised eyebrows from Beomgyu and Taehyun whom had been watching the three of them goofing.

“Oh, uh…I–” Not good, Soobin was so obviously flustered, judging by the reddening of his ears.

“Is your prince being taken away, Sir Kai?” Taehyun jumped in, “I shall lend you my help, brave knight!”

Kai took opportunity to take Soobin away again, smiling secretly in satisfaction. He continued his role, banishing the evil from within Yeonjun with the help of the wizard Beomgyu and knight Taehyun.

“Boys, it’s time to head back. Continue playing around later.”

All of them stopped playing at the call from the manager, scrambling to grab their bags and running out to the vehicle.

On their way home, Yeonjun and Beomgyu kept on claiming to be hungry whilst Taehyun and Soobin slept on each other’s shoulders. Kai smiled softly at the sight, he loved his bandmate, he truly does. Which was why he could accept that Soobin is in with love Yeonjun-hyung.

Arriving at their dorm, Kai called for a bath first with some grumbling protests from Taehyun which he happily ignored. He did not notice about the other members, quickly going to the bathroom after taking his towel.

There was a few clanking in the kitchen, Kai assumed it to be either Yeonjun or Beomgyu considering them complaining of their hunger the entire way back. He hoped they make enough for everyone considering he was quite hungry as well. He had planned for a long bath to wind down but, “AH, SMELLS SO GOOD!” Kai yelled from the bathroom, turning off the tap and drying off.

“Get out and lemme bath!” Taehyun replied to which Kai stepped out of the bathroom and childishly stuck out his tongue.

Kai skipped over to the kitchen, only wearing a towel around his waist. “Who’s cooking?” He asked as he entered the kitchen door.

“Yah, go put on some clothes.” Yeonjun scolded, his words making Soobin turn his head from the pan to look at their maknae.

“Kai, what where some clothes before coming to the kitchen, aish.” Soobin said worriedly, the oil was sputtering, and it would burn if it landed on bare skin. “Yeonjun-hyung are you done with the vegetables? Pass them to me if you are.”

The two hyungs continued cooking and Kai pursed his lips at the domestic picture they were making before exiting the scene. Going to the shared room, Beomgyu was laying on Taehyun’s bed while playing his phone. Kai ignored his hyung, going directly to his closet and putting on some of his night wear.

“You okay, Kai?” Beomgyu asked, probably heard him sighing.

Kai shook his head. “Not really…but it’s fine. It’ll get better.”

“You sure? You can talk to me about it.”

Kai merely nodded, going to lay down on his bed.

It was silent for quite awhile before Taehyun was done with his bath and entered the room. Beomgyu and Taehyun exchanged word a little before Beomgyu left to the bathroom to clean up.

Then it was only Taehyun and Kai in the room.

Kai said nothing, just scrolling through his phone despite feeling Taehyun’s eyes on him. He had nothing to say, for the moment at least.

“Aren’t you giving up too fast?”

“What are you talking about?”

Taehyun snorted and Kai felt his bed dipped and he turned around to see Taehyun sitting on his bed. “You and Soobin-hyung.”

Now that got Kai attention as he immediately sat straight and turned to face Kai. He’s not going to confront how Taehyun found out. “No, if Soobin-hyung wants to be happy with Yeonjun-hyung. I rather watch from afar and not interrupt. I don’t want to cause any unnecessary heartache for Soobin-hyung if all I need to do was watch him be happier with someone else, Kang Taehyun!”

Kai watched Taehyun’s calm reaction and scrutinized his eyes.

“Doesn’t it hurt?”

Kai scoffed, before bursting into a fit of giggles at the question. “What kind of stupid question is that?” He laughed, slowly dissolving into pained sobbing. His back hunched and his hands covering his mouth, his fingers on his eyes as he tried to hide. Muffling his sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like I've finally decided how this story would go.  
> The next chapter could either be the last chapter or it will be longer.  
> Would you guys prefer I complete it at the next chapter or write more because I have more ideas for angst lol to put in this story.
> 
> Also, although I did start this story planning to update at least every two days...I'm more attached to the SooGyu AU I'm writing on Twiiter rn.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Twitter because I need friends
> 
> @BangThiSeokjin


End file.
